My friend Uri and I both had the chance to emigrate, but Uri was too afraid to embrace the change.
It was in the mid-90ties. My sister’s friend from Germany gave me information about an agency organising exchange programs with Germany, giving young Polish people the opportunity to improve their German language skills while living and working as an AU Pair in Germany. Of course, I immediately had to share the news with Uri.
“Diana gave me the address of an AU Pair agency in Germany. I know I don’t speak German, and I don’t have any chance of being accepted into the program, but you speak German very well; you should apply!” — I said to Uri, full of excitement.
“I don’t know… I would need to break up my study…” — said Uri, hesitant and without any enthusiasm
“You would only need to take one year break, that’s all. You can always come back to study here, but who knows, maybe you could continue your study in Germany! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and it opens the door to so many options in life!” — I eagerly tried to convince Uri to apply for this program.
“But all my friends are here… I wouldn’t know there anyone…” — replied Uri in a sceptical voice.
“You will make new friends there! It won’t be a problem for you. Wherever you go, everybody loves you!”
“Yeah, that’s true…” — she chuckled and continued “, It would be such a huge change… Why should I do this? I have all I need here…” — continued unconvinced Uri.
“Uri, change is one of the very few things in life which are certain. The change will happen. Everything changes; it’s as sure as the taxes and death! Kids leave their parent’s homes; they will move on in search of new opportunities. Businesses open and shut their doors again, and employees lose their jobs. People get sick and die. Everything constantly changes, and we can’t stop this. The only choice we have is to embrace the change and do the first step. Then we stay in control of our life and will be a step ahead of everyone. If we hesitate and let the change happen, then the change will control us, and we will be left behind without many options in life. Uri, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, don’t you get it?!”
“I know, but… I can’t… I can’t leave my mum behind; I can’t leave my friends behind; I can’t interrupt my studies… I just can’t… Please, accept it; I just can’t do it….” — replied Uri with some sadness and resignation in her voice, but at the same time, hoping I would understand and accept her decision. And I did.
Uri didn’t have the courage to emigrate. I, on the contrary, was too scared to miss out on such a great opportunity. Therefore, even though I didn’t meet any of the requirements, I applied for the program, and to the surprise of everyone, including myself, I got accepted.
In a separate article, I wrote how I managed to convince the interviewer to give me the chance to emigrate. I can say one: when you believe in yourself, when you are truly passionate about your dreams, when you are ready to go above and beyond to reach your goals, then anything is possible. So don’t listen to people who tell you “you can’t” just believe in yourself and follow your dreams.
Our lives and friendship after I emigrated
Since I left Poland, our lives have taken completely different turns.
Uri finished university and started working as a teacher in a local school. After healing from the pain of her broken heart, she married and started a family. To be honest, the choice of her husband, in some respect, surprised me, but… that’s a different story. She brought a beautiful, healthy boy to the world, and sometime later, she got pregnant with her daughter. Unfortunately, there were undetected complications during her pregnancy, and her daughter was born mentally disabled. This put Uri’s world upside down.
She was crestfallen, upset and disappointed. Why couldn’t she have the healthy, beautiful family she dreamed of? What did she do wrong to deserve all these? She blamed herself and the doctors, felt condemned by God, and lost faith. Yet she loved her daughter and was determined to give her the best life she could. This was an enormous challenge, especially in a country with limited medical support and with a very tight budget. And so Uri’s world was all around her daughter, ensuring she got the proper care while she felt guilty for not giving her son the childhood he deserved. With time she regained her faith, and the faith gave her strength.
And in regards to the friends, Uri was afraid to leave behind? They all moved on, relocated to different cities or even countries, and Uri was left behind; with no friends to talk to about her challenges and feelings, she often feels lonely and, in some respect, trapped.
For me, life has planned a completely different future. After a year as Au Pair in Germany, I decided to stay and study there. I faced a lot of challenges, but I was determined to get the “ticket to freedom” called a master degree. I knew that graduating from one of the best technical universities in Europe would give me almost endless options in life.
I met my first boyfriend (who also gave me a taste of domestic violence), and later I met Andy, my first love. The time with Andy was great. We lived together, we studied together, and we travelled through Europe together. I loved all our adventures.
After graduation, Andy left for Australia, and sometime later, I joined him. My beginning in the land down under wasn’t easy. My relationship with Andy didn’t work out, and I found myself homeless in a foreign country, without money, family or friends, yet determined to make the country of my dreams my home. Like Uri, I also lost faith through my struggles but regained it years later.
Fast forward to today. I’m an Australian by choice. I love my life on a beautiful farm surrounded by animals (my childhood dream came true). I have a job I enjoy (I’m an IT consultant), and though I’m not particularly wealthy, I also don’t struggle financially. I have experienced how it feels to love somebody and be loved in return truly. Though I couldn’t have a family of my own, I have a life I enjoy.
The change will happen, regardless of if we want it or not. The only choice we have is to embrace it and be in control of our life or let the change happen and control us and our life.
Note: Originally I published this story on Medium “Embrace the Change – if we want it or not, it will happen“
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